Welcome to The Leak — Peanut's newsletter-shaped bestie, where we share women's news stories and expert advice that are too crucial to keep secret. This month, the holiday excitement is building, but so is the pressure… so let's talk about it. Plus, how to tell your in-laws to back the F off, ~respectfully~. 👀

📣 What do we want? Investment in women's health!

Over 1.2 million women in 14 countries were surveyed and unsurprisingly the results show a desire for improved health coverage and increased investment in women's health. The survey also emphasizes the importance of directly consulting women, as many feel healthcare professionals are simply not listening. This study comes on the heels of the White House’s announcement of its Initiative on Women’s Health, which will increase funding for research aiming to address gender health disparities and inequalities.

💇‍♀️ Visiting the hairdressers really is therapy

African countries, including Togo, urgently need more mental health support. The region has the world's highest suicide rate, but mental health funding is low. To bridge the gap, mental health professionals are training hairdressers in West and Central Africa. These three-day sessions teach them to ask the right questions, spot signs of distress, and avoid harmful advice. About 150 hairdressers have become "mental health ambassadors" through this initiative by the Bluemind Foundation. 🫶 

🪩 Are we too busy for fun?

UK workers have taken almost 3% less time off in the last two years, even though they have more vacation days. The reasons? Feeling too busy, the high cost of living, and the fear of falling behind at work. This drop, equaling 113,000 fewer days off, could lead to lower productivity and more sick days due to stress. Employees in the US are also taking less of their PTO, despite the average worker only having 11 days per year to play with anyway. Some good news though, job postings with unlimited PTO as a listed benefit have risen 178% in recent years. 👀

🏥 DRC introduces free maternal healthcare to curb worst-in-world maternal and neonatal death rates

Pregnant women in the Democratic Republic of the Congo will receive free healthcare in an initiative aimed at reducing the country's high rates of maternal and neonatal deaths. Babies will also receive free healthcare for their first 28 days, through the World Bank-backed programme. However, the programme isn’t without its challenges. Concerns have been raised by health workers about the capacity of hospitals and medical centers to handle the increased demand. The country faces one of the world's highest maternal and neonatal mortality rates, with ongoing strikes by healthcare professionals demanding better pay and conditions. 

📰 In Other News...

• Biden confused Britney and Taylor. Unforgivable.
• Baby stars scream, too. Who knew?
• Wall Street duuupes - Shein is looking to float on the US stock market.
• Anonymous sperm donation is no more, but why does it matter?

Welcome to Ask The Expert, where we ask a real-life professional your questions, to save you the hassle.

This month, we’re talking holiday drama with Dr Morgan Cutlip, highly sought-after relationship expert and author of Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself

The holiday season can be tricky because my partner and I have very different traditions and families, do you have any tips for reaching compromises that don’t leave one of us feeling hard done by?

One of the best parts of being in an adult relationship is that you get to ditch the crap that you didn’t like growing up, introduce new traditions, and keep the stuff you loved. Try to approach the holidays in a new way, come together and create a game plan that prioritizes the experience the two of you want to take into the holidays. Here are some questions worth discussing:

1. What are some traditions that you had growing up that are really important to you? Which ones did you have but you didn’t love? What traditions did you wish you had? How do you see these playing out in our relationship/family?

2. When we get together with your family and I’m feeling (insert it here) come up, can we talk about how we can handle this in a way that doesn’t leave me feeling (insert your feeling here)?

3. Tell me about your holiday expectations, what’s your ideal holiday?

How can I politely ask my in-laws to back the F off over the holidays?

In-laws are a tricky relationship to manage and part of how you approach them depends on different variables like how often you see them, how your partner supports you vs. them, and how severe their behavior or boundary-crossing is. But here’s a general outline for how to state a boundary to your in-laws (assuming you want to maintain some sort of relationship with them).

1. Call out the possibility of offense “I have to say something to you that may be difficult to hear, I am worried it may offend you, but it’s not meant to”

2. Emphasize their good intentions “I’m sure you mean well when you make comments about our parenting, I just know you love our kids and want the best for them...”

3. State the boundary clearly i.e .” when you share advice or make comments, it takes away from our enjoyment of just being together. We know you have value to add to our parenting and we will come to you when we need your input.”

4. Express appreciation for following the boundary “we really appreciate you hearing us out and making this change.”

We’re gearing up to host our extended family this year, I’m already burnt out. Send help.

Gosh, the holiday season is like a marathon. It just seems like it’s one thing after the next with the gift-buying and hosting and kids' activities and cooking and so on. It’s overwhelming and I’m not surprised you’re already feeling burnt out. I’m sure you know the typical advice: take care of you, drink some water and get outside for a walk…so I’ll throw in some extra considerations.

- What expectations can you shift to make this time more enjoyable and obtainable? We have deep-seated expectations about what a “proper holiday” looks like and how it should all unfold. I want to encourage you to really unpack what expectations you’re carrying into this holiday season that may set you up to feel like you haven’t been doing *enough* or that you aren’t *enough* and revise those suckers. Can you shift them so that your load lessens even in the slightest and so you can see all that you’re doing in a good light?

- Think about how you can micro-dose self-care. I call seasons like this “white knuckle seasons of life”. Those stretches where you’re giving from all angles and have so much less capacity. In these seasons it helps to know that you’re likely going to push yourself a little too far (vs. be surprised by it) but to also incorporate ways of micro-dosing your care. This means fitting in small, manageable, and regular moments of care for yourself that actually move the needle.

We asked our community...

This poll was personal – and we’d be lying if we said we didn’t feel a hell of a lot better when seeing the results. Nowadays it’s so easy to get absorbed by picture-perfect accounts on Instagram and TikTok, where Christmas presents are bought and wrapped by Halloween and the tree is decorated bright and early on November 1st. But comparison is the thief of joy, and social media makes it far too easy.

So who cares if it’s December 15th and you still don’t know what to get your mom? Certainly not us! We just care that you’re looking after yourself. Plus, in case you needed our help, we trawled the internet to create the gift guide of all gift guides to save you the hassle. You’re welcome. 😉

We’ve all seen the viral curtain rod garland hack (here if you’ve managed to avoid it) and it really got us excited to cut corners and get Christmassy with less effort. So here are some more hacks 👀

• I actually felt embarrassed that I hadn’t figured out that I should be doing this when wrapping gifts with limited paper
• We will be doing our tree lights like this for the foreseeable
• I’m never buying new baubles again
• This is genius, no more losing my present wrapping kit every time I put it down

This edition of The Leak was brought to you by Phoebe Corcoran, Tassia Agatowski, Lucia Schiaffino Martinez, Hannah Hastings, Henry Gibbons. 🫶

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